Transitional period upon Leaving the RC Consecrated Life

Suddenly faced with the world outside can be overwhelming; especially with no preparation and support. Gerald Manley Hopkins wrote a beautiful poem for a female friend ‘On Taking the Veil’. Here is material for ‘On Leaving the Veil, Female RC style’.

 

August is the worst month ever for me. Anyhow, I posted this yesterday on the discussion board, and I thought I would send it here as well since I know some of you don?t go there. I?ve been seeing
that one part of my depression is transitional, and is probably a common experience for people leaving the Movement/Legion. Here are the posts; if you go to the discussion board you can also see Keith?s replies.

Today I was reflecting on this conversation (a thread on depression & moving on) as I drove along in my car that needed gas, on my way to the bank as I am working on moving to a new apartment and thinking
how much I need a new job. The fact that I could think about those six things at once is proof of how people can multi-task.

Anyways, I mention all of those details because they are things I had to worry about immediately after leaving RC. It just was not fair. For the past four years of my life in RC, I had not a concern in the
world for the practical aspects in my life except the order in my closet and doing well in my classes, spiritual life, and the apostolate. All of a sudden, I was thrown back into the arms of my family, no money, only my parents to live with, desperately in need of therapy, ( an emotional mess) destitute of any spiritual guidance…need I go on? It happened to almost all of us. We were thrown back into lives we barely recognized as our own, they no longer belonged to us anymore, we had given away all our possessions as we never had any intention of coming back, and now we have to rebuild from whatever age we left off.

Let me try to organize this:

1. NO MONEY SAVED UP:
we had to get money. From the dirt: so much for
social security and retirement funds. We?ll be lucky if we can pay for today. I have heard of some people getting a little help, but they assume if your family can take care of you, they need not. But
that is not fair because all the money I would have saved during high school and college is not available for me as I was doing God?s work at that time and now have no money saved up. It?s not impossible, but
it?s hard. I?m not complaining; I?m just saying that it is a major challenge to catch up with the others in that area.

2. GETTING THE ESSENTIALS:
a car, a job, an apartment/house…It is
emotionally draining to have to do all of that at once. It is stressful enough for people when they buy their first car. But most people don?t have to do that at the same time they are finishing school, trying to work to make up for the money they didn?t have a chance to save up…Since they have absolutely no idea how to obtain these essentials or where, they feel like lost chickens in the city.
Who is going to judge if they are making good decisions or being swindled? Nobody, and especially for those of you who left when you were older than I am, I assume this is a lot harder. How do you get a
job? How do you get credit? Everyone assumes that we know this, when business classes were never part of RC formation!!!

3. RETURN TO THE OLD RELATIONSHIPS:
just when you thought you had left your family behind for good, and all their problems, God wants them to take care of themselves and not you, (you have a special mission within the LC/RC), you find that you have to go back. My parents are protective. I left home at 16. I returned home 4 years later, just as submissive and meek as ever, because RC did not
encourage independence either. I have had to start again on that parental relationship, just as if I was 16 years old, not as the adult I am. The same issues we never dealt with at that age have to be dealt with now. This is exacerbated because of the problem of
financial need.

4. RETURN TO THE OLD SELF:
I had to go back to me, as I was when I
left home, and blend that identity with my 3gf identity and the person I wanted to be in the future. Before someone always told me who to be and I never had to think about that for myself. For the
first time, it?s up to me who I am and what I do. It does bring a certain amount of fulfillment with it. Maybe there were parts of
myself that I was glad to leave behind. Like my shyness. I think now I have accepted that as part of my personality, that I only want to have a few close friends which are (oh no!) – ??a particular friendship?.
For me, this has probably been the most enjoyable portion of the process because I am a person fascinated by the workings of the psyche.

But I bet for other people, this area never gets worked out. In the LC/RC, we were taught to ignore our feelings to swat them away like flies (direct quote of a consecrated) and that led us to be
disconnected from our real selves, our desires, passions, dreams, and ideals. I believe that a lot of people leave and work hard at the other areas – money, the essentials, and their relationships, and
forget the one they really are responsible for. I don?t think God is going to ask me if I worked out my money problems so much as if I followed my conscience and the spiritual path he had in mind for me .

In Conclusion:
My point in this long commentary is that a transitional depression after leaving the Movement is really natural and almost to be expected. Add that on to any symptoms one might still have from the actual experience itself, and you have an overwhelming mess of emotions and facts. All this is going on in one?s own head; with very little guidance as to what to do with it.

Rereading my post, I think it sounds angry. I wonder who I am angry at:
God?
The Church?
The Movement?
Myself?
Or all of the above?
Do I chalk it up to fate?
Or am I angry that all of us have had to go through it, and not just
me?

I think the anger comes from the knowledge that there is something wrong in this whole transition from consecrated to secular life, from LC to the world, and it could be handled better. For example, if they
were not so secluded the cultural leap of returning would not be so big, and, er, Olympian.

I?m not saying they should change that. It is just food for thought, water under the bridge, fruit for the blender, fuel for the fire, rings on the phone, dead ends on the hair, a twist on the high beam,
a color in The Village, and a bronze medal where we should have had gold. I?m sorry that this should happen to people, and it would be nice if there was a way to avoid it, foresee it, because if there is
anything RC members can do, it is to foresee and prevent

******************.

Brother One
I think your observations are on the mark. As for your point (2), those are practical issues that can actually be addressed by Regain, or a similar organization. One xLC website run by the legion already attempts to address those issues, but it falls very short of really offering much benefit. It has a lot of very odd advice. xLCs often don’t even know what credit is… never mind how you build it, etc… How to apply to schools or jobs, etc… As for your point (1), it’s an excellent point that a lot of people discover when they leave, but short of the legion offering more (assuming they even give any now) financial assistance, there’s really nothing that can be done about that except for chalking it up to experience and moving on. In particular those who leave in their 40’s and 50’s suffer more from this than those who leave in their 20’s and 30’s.
As for (3) and (4), those are things that the individual has to work through, maybe even with the help of a therapist, if one is needed. As for the spiritual path, I think that a lot of xLCs take different paths. Some don’t really care for any spiritual path that may exist (i.e. they no longer have much faith, if any), others remain Catholic (conservative, moderate, or liberal in their beliefs), others may just see themselves as general Christians (without the organized aspect) or spiritual beings. For example, the closest I come to being – ??spiritual? is my yoga time.
I think that one of the legion’s biggest problems is how it handles people who leave. They really don’t offer much in the way of transition. Also, the cutting off of one’s past can be difficult. For example, some of us grew up with people that we can no longer contact or maintain any relationship because they are inside and we are outside the legion.
You made some excellent observations. Perhaps something can be done to help people with the practical aspects you mention in (2). Talking about how much the legion is a cult may help keep others from entering the legion, but it really doesn’t much help those who have left and are in transition out of the legion. On the other hand, offering some practical tools (i.e. advice, sources of info, etc…) on how to transition will actually benefit them.

******************

Brother Two
Lia, your last post was quite something to read. You sure are dealing with a lot of issues there and your self analysis seems right on the mark (at
least for me, who was never an RC). The type of writing you created there would maybe be excellent to add somewhere on our website as an anonymous
former RC. You have lots of insights and great introspection. Sounds like you?re on your way to independence and freedom from that former life.

I?m not sure which was worse, what I went through or what you went through when you left. While I horrifically lost my wife and had to go through the
realization that she was even turning on me because of my refusal to buy into the Legion, at least I knew my feet were firmly planted on the ground.
I knew there was something terribly wrong when my wife was talking about her salvation being linked to involvement with the Legion: that extreme form of
thought was so bizarre and, in some ways, she grew so self-righteous. I never could have imagined that happening.

I hope you are doing well on your road to reconnection with the real world and your new spirituality outside the Legion. I?m sure you will find that you can do just great without that organization and you are even trying to
do justice by sharing your stories and insights to what happened to you. Let?s hope you can help others now avoid the Legion trap.

I decided to put my story on the web so others could see and know what can happen: To warn them; to tell a story. Maybe you can post at the website
as well as it needs fresh material. It is http://www.unitypublishing.com, and you can email the fellow who runs the website, Rick Salbato. I?ve not analyzed all of the topics he writes about but his Legion section is impressive and I?m sure gets peoples? attention when they do web searches and stumble on his site looking for information. Think about it. Your post was awesome and could help others. In the meantime, may Jesus? peace be settling in to you during this time.

Take care,

—————————–
Editor’s Addendum
I noticed a ‘strange likeness’ to the first article in the Recovery and Healing section of the page: [and they say the RC is not a cult!]

“RECOVERY ISSUES

What Are the Recovery Issues following a Cultic Experience?

1. Identity Crisis
– ? Who am I now?
– ? What do I believe? (Take your time with this one!)
– ? Integrate cultic experience into prior personality
– ? What are my interests? Talents? Relationships? Education? Hobbies? Even favorite color is a starting point

2. Feeling disconnected, sense of anomie

3. Grief

– ? People you left behind
– ? Loss of a cause
– ? Loss of belonging
– ? Losses you had to give up in order to join group
– ? Loss of innocence
– ? Loss of career goals; finances; belongings
– ? Missing the buzz; looking for it elsewhere
– ? Anger

4. Boundary issues
– ? Rebuild healthy boundaries
– ? It?s okay not to divulge everything to everyone
– ? Learn how the group tore down your boundaries between you and other group members/leaders
– ? Learn how the group built up unhealthy boundaries between you and the outside world

5. Trust issues
– ? Test the waters, build up a relationship before you trust someone

6. Magical Thinking of cultic group

7. Varying symptoms of post-traumatic stress

– ? Panic attacks
– ? Floating/triggers
– ? Nightmares
– ? Sleep disorders
– ? Inability to make decisions
– ? Inability to concentrate
– ? Fears not grounded in reality – ?? fear the group was right

8. Difficulty with relationships and authority figures

9. Underemployment

PATIENCE! PATIENCE! PATIENCE!

Female Rc Chain Of Command & Who’s Who

Levels of commitment to the Legionaries of Christ’s Regnum Christi lay movement increase from First through 3rd, the latter being the most intense commitment to ‘The Movement’ and consecration to God and Jesus Christ.

 

CHAIN OF COMMAND
I bet all of you are very confused about the structure of the 3gf, so I will explain that forthwith. You’re familiar with the LC structure of:
1. Father Maciel [NP], Director General
2. Territorial director
3. Rector of center
4. Vice-rector
5. Assistant
6. Auxiliary of assistant
7. Members/subjects (the common riff-raff)

The RC section is a little different. I actually had to memorize the RC structure for a class. It’s complicated, so I don’t want to go into that now.
This is the 3gf structure. I will talk about
individual functions afterwards:

Director general, Founder, ideal, model…need
I go on?
• Director General(DG)
• Assistant to the General Director (3gf)
• Territorial Director (LC)(TD or DT)
• Assistant to the Territorial Director (3gf)
• Director/Directress (directora) of the center (3gf)
aided by the LC chaplain
• Vice-directress or gerente (in all centers)
• Assistant, Asistente (in a formation center)
• Auxiliar to the assistant (in a formation center) (helps with studies team, administration team, and heads of apostolate in formation centers)

***********

FEMALE REGNUM CHRISTI CHAIN OF COMMAND
&
WHO’S WHO

It is not like the LCs ever report to the RC Consecrated single women with greater responsibilities than them. The consecrated are always the ones in positions below the LCs, and report to them. So Dorrie Donahue sends her reports to Fr. Bannon, to Monica Treviño, who is the assistant to the Territorial Director for North America, to Maleny Medina, who is the Assistant to the General Director of the Legion, and to Nuestro Padre. Since I was never in a position of responsibility, I have only a vague idea of what goes into the reports. There are the normal reports that go to your head of apostolate after every day of apostolate, and to your assistant after a project. Those did not go any further. What did go all the way to the top was the number of spiritual directions we gave each month. I know our formators, which is another name for directors, had to write reports about us, and those were more detailed. My point is that the consecrated structure is attached to the LCs, but subservient to the LCs for everything.

Some of my names may be wrong because of changes in assignments, i.e. appointments, could have happened since last summer and some people may have been changed.

Our interactions with Nuestro Padre [Father Maciel] were necessarily limited.

He only came to 3gf houses once in a great while, maybe once every two years, and then only to one in an area where there were several. He normally does questions, Mass, and has dinner in the dining room with everyone. They set up a head table and he sits there with Fr Luis Garza Medina, maybe the Territorial Director, and the directors of the center,
probably Maleny and the assistant to the Territorial Director if they are around. And the choir sings.
When Fr. Maciel visited the Precandidacy, he had Fr. John Devlin (always around for 3gf things) and Fr. Alonso sing a song for us.

Maleny Medina, Fr. Medina’s sister, is the Assistant
to the General Director. That is a position formerly held by Belen Sanchez de Ocaña, now in exile in the Monterrey formation center. Various consecrated, like Belen, Patricia Bannon, and Maricarmen Perochena are kept in semi-retirement in the formation centers, giving classes, spiritual directions and making up a kind of assistant not found in the Statutes. Maleny tends to tour all the 3gf centers every year around June and February (time to visit the candidacies in the Northern and Southern Hemisphere). She lives at the former formation center, La Giustiniana, in Rome, Italy. It is the greatest honor of all to be sent there to work on the Project of the Woman, a project spear-headed by Gloria Conde with her book, “Mujer Nueva� and a website by the same name. Marcela de Maria y Campos, well known among the 3gf for her musical compositions, lives there as well. Maleny was consecrated when she was 15, and her early dedication to the Movement is probably one of the reasons for her importance. Maleny loved the PCs, and she
would have meals with us and check our closets to
see how organized they were…

The territorial directors came every couple months for conferences and meetings with the directors and when I was consecrated, Fr. Antonio Herrero would say one of our Christmas and Easter Masses. Sometimes the Territorial Directors from other territories would come for conferences, too. I liked it because it meant one less study period for the day.

Then there were the assistants to the Territorial Director. I actually have fonder memories of the territorial directors than of their assistants. In the US, Maricarmen Perochena was the first, followed by Gabriela Garza, relegated to the formation center in Madrid, and now Monica Treviño. In Mexico, it is Malen Oriol. Juani Lozano is in South America, and Paula Errázuriz is in Europe. The Assistant to the Territorial Director basically travels around and reads and writes reports and has to do a few more apostolic activities than the other directors higher up.

The rest of the directors are the equivalents of
your LC superiors. It is purposely organized in a similar fashion. When I am in a mood for strange stories, I will tell you what it is like for LC chaplains of the 3gf.

 

Leaving and Recovering from Cultic Groups and Relationships: An ICSA Seminar for Families and Former Members in Orlando Florida May 17-19

The International Cultic Studies Association (I.C.S.A.) is hosting a three day seminar for anyone who is leaving or recovering from a high demand (cult) group. The seminar will take place in Orlando on May 17 to May 19, with some excellent and knowledgeable speakers.

Space is limited at the ICSA event for families and former group
members in Orlando, Florida (May 17-19, 2013).

Please register now and/or tell others who might be interested in the
event.

Questions or more information, contact ICSA: mail@icsamail.com;
1-239-514-3081.

HOW TO REGISTER

Flyer with information and fax-mail registration: http://icsahome.com/pdf/event_florida.pdf
Online registration: http://icsahome.com/infoserv_respond/event_regproducts.asp
Contact ICSA directly: mail@icsamail.com; PH: 1-239-514-3081; FAX:
1-305-393-8193

TITLE

Leaving and Recovering from Cultic Groups and Relationships: A Seminar
for Families and Former Members

WHEN

Friday 3:00 p.m. May 17, 2013 to Sunday 3:00 p.m. May 19, 2013

WHERE

Canterbury Retreat and Conference Center, 1601 Alafaya Trail, Oviedo
[Orlando], FL 32765 (407-365-5571)

DESCRIPTION

This seminar brings together family members and former members so that
each group can benefit from the perspectives of the other. In order to
promote participation by attendees, the seminar will consist of brief
30 minute lectures followed by an hour of discussion on topics such
as the following:

 

    –
    Overview of joining, leaving, and recovery

 

    – Why people leave groups

 

    – Recovery needs of former members

 

    – Trance and triggers

 

    – Trauma and recovery

 

    – Building relationships

 

    – Breakouts for families, former members

 

    – Evening films followed by discussion

FEES

    All rates are per person and INCLUDE ACCOMMODATIONS AND MEALS from

 

    Friday dinner through Sunday lunch.

 

    Double Occupancy – $300

 

    Single Occupancy – $350

 

    Current ICSA members and their immediate family may deduct $25 from

 

    fee

SPEAKERS

    Ron Burks, PhD, holds an MDiv. and an MA in counseling from Asbury

 

    Theological Seminary and a Ph. D. in Counselor Education from Ohio

 

    University. He worked for many years at Wellspring Retreat and

 

    Resource Center in Albany, OH. He and his wife Vicki wrote, Damaged

 

    Disciples: Casualties of Authoritarian Churches and the Shepherding

 

    Movement, published by Zondervan. He and Vicki now live near

 

    Tallahassee Florida where both are licensed mental health counselors.

 

    Ron now serves as president of the board of Wellspring and the

 

    clinical advisory board of Meadowhaven.

 

    Carol Giambalvo is on ICSA’s Board of Directors and is Director of

 

    ICSA’s Recovery Programs. She is cofounder of reFOCUS, a national

 

    support network for former cult members. A former cult member, she is

 

    author of Exit Counseling: A Family Intervention, co-editor of The

 

    Boston Movement: Critical Perspectives on the International Churches

 

    of Christ, and co-author of

Ethical Standards for Thought Reform
Consultants.<‘q>

Susan Groulx is a former member of the Tony Alamo Ministries, an
aberrant religious group that has been around since the early days of
the Jesus Movement. She is dedicated to helping individuals who have
been adversely affected by this destructive cult and was involved in
bringing polygamist leader, Tony Alamo, to justice for his crimes
against women and children. She is pursuing a degree in Counseling
and Human Services.

Michael D. Langone, PhD, a counseling psychologist, has been consulted
by several hundred former cult members and/or their families. His
many publications include Recovery from Cults: Help for Victims of
Psychological and Spiritual Abuse and Cults: What Parents Should
Know. Dr. Langone is ICSA’s Executive Director and ICSA Today’s Editor-
in- Chief

Judy Pardon, MEd, has been a teacher and a counselor. Since 1992 she
has been Associate Director of the New England Institute of Religious
Research and Meadowhaven, where she has worked with former cult
members, including some who have experienced profound trauma. She has
also spoken widely on the subject and conducted training programs for
human service personnel.

Robert Pardon, MDiv, ThM, is the Executive Director of the New England
Institute of Religious Research and MeadowHaven. He has specialized in
Bible-based communal groups. Much of his work involves counseling,
support groups, working with those born and/or raised in groups, and
helping former members rebuild their lives. To facilitate the recovery
process MeadowHaven, a long term rehabilitation facility, was opened
in 2002. It can accommodate individuals or families who require long
term (up to a year) care to recover from trauma and cult abuse.

 

ConQuest and Challenge Clubs

Youth programs of the Legionaries of Christ are operated by an organization called ECYD. Although the Legion has claimed on its English language websites that this stands for Education, Culture and Youth Development, its initials were actually derived from Spanish and stand for Educacion Cultura y Deporte (Education, Culture and Sport). ECYD operates a series of clubs and activities for youths which are staffed by Regnum Christi members. It has been described as a sort of Regnum Christi for children with similar forms of spiritual guidance and a similarly heavy emphasis on recruitment. For example, by statute, each club is to have a person on staff in charge recruitment. Like Regnum Christi, it is both an organization which actively runs religious programs as well as an organization which one can join as a member.

Two franchises of ECYD youth clubs which the Legion operates in North America are known as ConQuest Clubs and Challenge Clubs. According to the club’s official website ConQuest is a national network of leadership programs, clubs, and camps for boys and young men 5 to 16 years of age. It adds, ConQuest trains boys to become self-disciplined and confident young men, Catholic leaders who possess moral integrity and are committed to improving the communities in which they live. Challenge is the female equivalent of ConQuest.

Both have the hallmarks ECYD clubs and are clearly associated with that organization, though the actual connection is somewhat murky and confusing. A now defunct Legionary webpage identified them as being affiliated with ECYD, but the Legion now seems to be playing down that connection, at least in North America. The current ConQuest website states in small type at the bottom that ConQuest is a proud affiliate of Mission Network? and that it is Sponsored by Regnum Christi.? A link to another site states, Mission Network is an organization within Regnum Christi that was created to coordinate efforts and optimize the resources of Regnum Christi programs and apostolic works in order to reach more people and more places, with new methods and new ardor.

An older website stated, ConQuest clubs and camps operate as members of CYWN (Catholic Youth World Network) in the United States and Canada. The site described CYWN as a worldwide network of Catholic youth that work in clubs in cities throughout the world to build a new world based on Christ’s values? and described ECYD instead asa program of formation which the clubs employ.

ConQuest operates programs for three different age groups. The Father and Son Program is for ages five to seven, the ConQuest Junior Program for ages eight to ten, and the ConQuest Club for ages eleven to sixteen. A former consecrated member of Regnum Christi describes ECYD, and the ConQuest and Challenge clubs as follows:

People don’t just hop into ECYD. First they are recruited through one of the established means of recruitment, such as Challenge and ConQuest. While most youth groups combine girls and boys, in Regnum Christi they are done separately to force the vocation issue. Challenge is, in short, a means of recruitment to ECYD. They keep track of how many girls they recruit. This is the ideal ECYD/club combination, although in different places you will find different levels of adherence to it. Sometimes the girls know about ECYD in the club, and sometimes the club girls have never heard of ECYD. Sometimes they think the club is ECYD. What is important to the consecrated women that coordinate the groups is that there are numbers incorporating to ECYD.?

Parents who are approached about allowing their children to participate in ConQuest or Challenge club activities have often not been aware of the connection to the Legionaries of Christ or even, for that matter, of the order’s existence. Some actually believed the clubs to be a diocesan sponsored activity. A former employee of the Archdiocese of Atlanta describes such a situation:

We had quite a difficult time with Regnum Christi and the upsurge of their ‘clubs’ in many parishes in Atlanta. They would show up in the parish. People would come and ask about them, thinking we knew all about them, and we would have no information. They would get permission from a pastor and just carry on, many times having their meetings off campus in homes. When they began Challenge, the education commission asked for information as to who exactly they were, what information were they giving the children, where they got it and (asked to) review the materials. All they would say was that it was material approved by the magesterium of the Church! Of course, all requests were refused (as though it were) none of our business. Some of the parents became upset because they were not privy to any of the information either, and the stories the children repeated about their sessions would raise eyebrows.

Among the loftier stated goals of ECYD and its clubs is to serve as an international organization of children and adolescents in alliance with Christ and themselves to build a new world. Marcial Maciel has described it in plainer terms; he calls ECYD an open means of recruitment. The group’s ultimate goal is to convince children to incorporateor join the larger Regnum Christ movement or the Legionaries of Christ.

Recruitment is achieved by what the Legion refers to as cellular action? and through open means of recruitment, whose possibilities it considers to be practically limitless. Members are encouraged to carry out this work on with enthusiasm and discretion.Given that the vigor and continual strengthening of the adolescent sections of Regnum Christi depend to a great extent on the growth and expansion of ECYD, the Legion considers the apostolic work of ECYD to be one of its principal activities and encourages its members to dedicate themselves to it with interest, energy and perserverance.

Apostolic work is a euphemism for recruitment. In Challenge the ultimate goal is to convince girls to become consecrated women i.e. lay women of Regnum Christi who take vows similar to those of a nun, but who do not enjoy the protections canon law provides to nuns. A former consecrated woman writes, Challenge is a club to recruit people to ECYD, to suck young children into a vocation before their critical faculties are developed enough to discern correctly. In ConQuest the goal is similar: to convince boys to become Legionary priests. This is done through a series of activities and retreats from which parents are often excluded. If you were to ever ask if you can attend the retreats or camps along with your daughter,? writes one parent, don’t be surprised if the answer is a gentle, but firm ‘no.’
One mother writes, The Challenge club was pitched to the parents as a wholesome alternative to scouts. I assumed it was just nice kids getting together after school for activities. This is true, in part, but they target these kids to attend retreats at which they can ‘consecrate’ themselves to the movement and become (members of) Regnum Christi. My child never wanted to attend, but did say that the consecrated ladies made her feel guilty for saying she didn’t want to go.

At these retreats children can be convinced to make lifelong commitments without their parents’ knowledge. They are even told to withhold such information from their parents. Another mother writes, I have personally known mothers who have become outraged that their daughters ‘incorporated’ into the Challenge ‘movement’ without getting permission from the parents. In these cases, daughters from three different families felt guilty and confessed to their parents that the consecrated women told them it was their decision to make and their’s alone. They were also told that it was better not to discuss this with their parents until after they had made their own decisions.

Age is not an impediment to recruitment efforts. A mother allowed her son to attend ConQuest activities at a neighbor’s house, which he seemed to enjoy, until he suddenly told her one day that he no longer wanted to participate. He said he was being made to feel guilty for not wanting to be a priest. He was nine years old at the time.

Recruitment is a carefully planned process. As in Regnum Christi, ECYD recruitment happens is stages, going successively from kindness to friendship, from friendship to confidence, from confidence to conviction, from conviction to submission. These stages are also sometimes referred to as interest, friendship, trust, commitment and surrender. The intended target is not aware that he or she is being recruited, only that a friendship seems to be forming and that someone is showing a personal interest in him or her. A former Regnum Christi member described the corrosive effect this had on her view of friendships:These steps were so ingrained in me that I honestly learned not to have ‘relationships,’ but instead, to recruit, using the relationship to recruit members. Even when I started therapy, my first reaction was to recruit rather than to open up completely.?

In these clubs the children themselves are used as instruments of recruitment. Parents of former ConQuest members report that older boys are taught to recruit younger boys. In Challenge clubs girls with qualities which are deemed to be useful are actively courted, often at the expense of others. Former consecrated women often speak of favoritism being shown to certain girls, those whose personalities might attract others into the movement. One former member writes, I remember in Mexico, if there was a girl in the school or in ECYD who was particularly interesting, or had a lot of qualities the consecrated looked for, she was called ‘una bomba’ (‘es una bomba’ ‘she is a bomb’), and the girls who weren’t very enthusiastic or didn’t have a very dynamic personality or abundant qualities were called ‘papas’ (‘es una papa’ ‘ she’s a potato’). So the bombas were very sought after for incorporation, and the papas. . . well, if they didn’t even come to retreats, that was O.K.

Not all parents are bothered by this. Those who are members of Regnum Christi are often actually flattered when attention is lavished on one of their daughters, as one mother whose child is no longer active in Challenge describes it: I did attend the first retreat my daughter went on and it all seemed O.K. When she ‘incorporated,’ I was called for permission but it was explained to me that this is just to show commitment to following Christ. It’s just that lately they seem to be focusing on a few girls and ‘grooming’ them (for lack of a better word) to be leaders once they reach high school. And the moms of those girls don’t seem to have any problem with the attention being focused them ‘ they think it is wonderful. And the uneasy feeling I have lingers on.

Coping with Cult Involvement: A Handbook for Families and Friends

By Livia Bardin MSW

I first began working for AFF (American Family Foundation), the publisher of this book, in 1980, shortly after the organization’s founding. AFF’s founders wanted the organization to study the cult phenomenon scientifically in order to educate youth and the public and help families and former group members more effectively. As a result, AFF has gone through several cycles of professional study followed by the development of practical resources. Available manpower has always been too small to meet all the needs that the organization identified. Therefore, AFF has shifted its focus over the years, sometimes concentrating on educational materials, sometimes on research studies, sometimes on resources for families, and sometimes on resources for former members.

In the mid-1980s, Joan Ross and I began working on what was to become Cults: What Parents Should Know, because parents of a cult-involved person had virtually no practical resources to which they could turn. Many parents praised this book, which provided a general introduction to the subject and concrete suggestions concerning assessment, communication, and strategy.

Despite such praise, I always felt that more was required. Families (spouses and siblings, as well as parents) needed a book that would get into the painful nuts-and-bolts of dealing with a cult involvement and that would help them apply the theoretical notions that others and I wrote about to their unique case. Unfortunately, after the publication of Cults: What Parents Should Know, AFF had to focus its limited resources on helping former group members, more and more of whom were seeking our help.

For nearly 10 years, I waited for an opportunity to return AFF’s focus back to families. In 1996 “opportunity knocked” when AFF volunteer professional, Livia Bardin, expressed interest in planning and conducting workshops for families concerned about a loved one’s cult involvement. Mrs. Bardin conducted her first family workshop in Stony Point, New York in 1997. Subsequently, she conducted workshops in Philadelphia, Chicago, Minneapolis-St. Paul, and Seattle. She has also presented educational programs on cults to a variety of mental health professional groups, as well as the general public.

Mrs. Bardin was the right person tackling the right job at the right time. She is a diligent student of the cult phenomenon and brings to the field the practical skills of clinical social work. She also knows how to clarify and organize, to cut through the fog that confuses so many families and to illuminate for them that which is important.

Mrs. Bardin developed for these workshops a collection of forms (printed at the end of this book) designed to help families think more clearly about their UNIQUE situations. When I first saw the initial drafts of these forms, I felt great relief! At last, somebody who clearly saw what was needed was meeting that need. She realized that families needed more than words and concepts. They needed concrete tools, tools that would challenge them intellectually and emotionally, tools that would empower them to understand and do something constructive about the distressing situation for which they sought help. The forms she had developed for her workshops are these tools.

This book, which was written to explain these forms, is built on the knowledge and experience gained from years of working with families in workshops and in private consultations. This is not a “fun” book. Nor is it a book that aims to validate feelings of anger, hurt, helplessness, and fear, although it does that to some extent. This book is ahandbook, a tool designed to help you achieve a goal, namely, to help a loved one. As with all tools, the book requires effort to learn how to use it. It is not something that you merely read. It is something that you use, something that you wrestle with, that you come back to again and again.

If you are willing to give the requisite time and mental exertion that this book demands, I am confident that you will find it to be extremely helpful. It may not solveyour problem, for, as Mrs. Bardin states in the Introduction, a cult involvement is often a situation to manage, not a problem to solve. The book will, however, make you confident that you are doing all that you realistically can to manage, if not solve, the problem that has caused you so much distress.

Michael D. Langone, Ph.D.
Executive Director, AFF Editor, Cultic Studies Journal
May 2000

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